The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship

“Just as societies and religions around the world create incredible mythologies, we create our own. Our personal mythology is populated by heroes and villains, angels and demons, kings and commoners. We create an entire population in our mind, including multiple personalities for ourselves.”

By comparing personal beliefs and narratives to societies and religions that “create incredible mythologies,” the book elevates personal stories. The imagery of “heroes and villains” and the like dramatizes the sometimes conflicting nature of self-perception—as no one simply plays one role in life.

“Life brings to you exactly what you need. There is perfect justice in hell. There is nothing to blame. We can even say that our suffering is a gift. If you just open your eyes and see what is around you, it’s exactly what you need to clean your poison, to heal your wounds, to accept yourself, and to get out of hell.”

In this quote, antithesis is used to explore personal growth in an unconventional way: It claims there is “perfect justice in hell” and that “suffering [is] a gift,” urging reconsideration of both concepts. Furthermore, it implies life’s challenges are essential for transformation and liberation.

“Happiness never comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his happiness.”

The “star” in this story symbolizes the fragile nature of happiness and entrusting it to another. Thus, the breaking of the star is a metaphor for the emotional collapse that comes with needing external validation. The repetition of “because of the love coming out of…” emphasizes Don Miguel Ruiz’s conviction that true happiness comes from within.

“It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be.”

This quote notes the discrepancy between people’s expectations and their true selves, highlighting the futility of conforming to another’s expectations. Ruiz’s straightforward language mirrors the clarity and finality of his message, as he champions authenticity above all.

“Your whole life is nothing but a dream. You live in a fantasy where everything you know about yourself is only true for you. Your truth is not the truth for anyone else, and that includes your own children or your own parents.”

The metaphor of life as a “dream” suggests a malleable reality, shaped by individual perception. It reflects the philosophical and psychological notion that each person’s understanding of the world cannot be fully understood by others—even loved ones.

Just as your body is made by cells, your dreams are made by emotions. There are two main sources of those emotions: One is fear, and all the emotions that come from fear; the other is love, and all the emotions that come from love.”

The analogy of a body’s cells is used to make the relationship between dreams and emotions relatable. The dichotomy of fear and love presents a relatable framework for understanding the spectrum of human emotions—suggesting the two fundamental emotions shape all actions.

“[…] love has no resistance. Whatever we do is because we want to do it. It becomes a pleasure; it’s like a game, and we have fun with it.”

The simile “like a game” suggests the effortless, joyful nature of love. As is the case in childhood—which Ruiz often turns to as a way to describe one’s return to their true self—games are played for pleasure, not out of obligation.

“[…] if you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of love coming out of you, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltec, the Mastery of Love.”

The titular phrase “the Mastery of Love” encapsulates the idea that love is a skill that can be cultivated and refined. To do so, one must be self-sufficient in their wellbeing, implying true happiness comes from within rather than from others.

“[…] the way you relate with this person will be exactly the way you relate with a dog. A dog is a dog. It doesn’t matter what you do, it’s going to be a dog. You are not going to change a dog for a cat or a dog for a horse; it is what it is.”

The analogy of a dog is used to argue the unchangeable nature of everyone’s essence: By comparing human relationships to an animal, the book suggests the importance of accepting people as they are. The phrase “it is what it is” reinforces this inevitability.

“A dog doesn’t care what you do; it just loves you. It doesn’t have any expectations. Isn’t that wonderful? But what about your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband, or your wife? They have so many expectations, and they are changing all the time.”

This quote contrasts a dog’s unconditional love with the conditional love in human relationships. This juxtaposition reinforces the complex, fluctuating nature of human interactions, urging reflection on the expectations of love.

“Your life is the manifestation of your personal dream. If you can transform the program of your personal dream, you can become a dream master.”

A “dream master” is an individual with control over their “program,” their life story. This framework suggests creativity and empowerment are key to a fulfilling life.

“The real mission you have in life is to make yourself happy, and in order to be happy, you have to look at what you believe, the way you judge yourself, the way you victimize yourself.”

The phrase “the way you judge yourself, the way you victimize yourself” creates a rhythm and emphasizes the multifaceted nature of self-reflection. This structure conveys that happiness is not just about one aspect of self-awareness but a holistic examination of it.

“If you don’t like a person, you can walk away from that person. If you don’t like a group of people, you can walk away from those people. But if you don’t like yourself, it doesn’t matter where you go, you are right there.”

Anaphora in the form of “If you don’t like…” emphasizes the inescapable nature of self-perception. Hyperbole in the form of “it doesn’t matter where you go” is also used to exaggerate this point.

“If we could take humans out of the creation of the universe, we would see that the whole creation—the stars, the moon, the plants, the animals, everything—is perfect just the way it is. Life doesn’t need to be justified or judged; without us, it keeps going the way it is.”

Asyndeton is used to list the stars, the moon, etc. in rapid succession, to imbue urgency. This listing respects the natural world, and suggests it is often overshadowed by human judgment and justification.

“You start to become aware when you see what you are not, when your mind starts to realize that it is not the body. Your mind says, ‘Then what am I? Am I the hand? If I cut off my hand, I am still me. Then I am not the hand.’”

This quote describes self-awareness, which is key to self-love. To Ruiz, questioning identity allows deeper understanding of oneself beyond the physical.

“You are that force that moves the wind and breathes through your body. The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life.”

This quote equates an individual’s essence to a life-giving force, suggesting a connection between human existence and the universe. This elevates individual understanding as an integral part of the universe.

“When Artemis became aware of her fall, she went back to herself, because everything she needed was inside herself. It is the same for all of us, because all of us are like Artemis after she fell and before her redemption. We are hunting for love. We are hunting for justice and happiness. We are hunting for God, but God is inside us.”

Greek goddess Artemis’s fall and redemption mirror the human journey of facing external pitfalls. The hunt for love and the like is universal, with “God” symbolizing the idea that life’s answers are within oneself.

“You can be aware that when your partner gets upset, gets sad or jealous, it’s not the one you love that you are dealing with at that moment. It’s a Parasite that is possessing your partner.”

This imagery suggests negative emotions like sadness and jealousy are entities that temporarily take over an individual. This separation encourages patience, framing outbursts as external influences rather than innate traits—which is especially important when understanding trauma.

“You can begin by doing a puja for your body every day. In India, people perform pujas, or rituals, for the different Gods and Goddesses. In the puja, they bow to the idol, they put flowers near the idol, and they feed the idol with all their love, because these statues represent God.”

The Hindu ritual of puja serves as an analogy for treating the body with similar reverence. It elevates self-care to a sacred level, as humans are divine in their own way (first mentioned in Important Quote #17).

“You could say that the eyes are an expression of what you feel. You perceive the outside Dream according to your eyes. When you are angry, you see the world with eyes of anger.”

The eyes are often considered the windows to the soul, reflecting one’s internal state. The phrases “You perceive the outside Dream according to your eyes” and “eyes of anger” suggest one’s perception of the external world is likewise subjective, altering the way one interacts with others.

“To heal the emotional body, we are going to do the same thing. We need to open the wounds and clean the wounds, use some medicine, and keep the wounds clean until they heal.”

Treating emotional wounds is done with “medicine,” tools such as ongoing therapy. This metaphorical depiction of emotional healing as physical healing (first mentioned in Important Quote #7) is meant to make the abstract tangible.

 “You must forgive those who hurt you, even if whatever they did to you is unforgivable in your mind. You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you. […] Forgiveness is for your own mental healing.”

To Ruiz, anger is akin to self-inflicted pain. With a didactic tone, he reframes forgiveness as self-care rather than concession to a perpetuator.

“That is the healing. Three simple points: the truth, forgiveness, and self-love. With these three points, the whole world will heal and will no longer be a mental hospital.”

Again, Ruiz’s didactic tone is evident in this instructional quote, presenting three points as fundamental to global healing. The metaphor of the world as a “mental hospital” implies humankind is in a collective state of psychological turmoil—and the three points are the cure to this urgency. To Ruiz, self-love in particular trains people to extend love to others.