Symptoms of Being Human

Riley recognizes Mike/Michelle Weston as MiMi_Q, the person who messaged Riley about contributing to QueerAlliance. They are visibly surprised to see Mike/Michelle, but covers for it by saying they’ve seen her website. It dawns on Riley that this is an LGBTQ support group and that Bec must know about Riley’s gender identity. Instead of being anxious, Riley is relieved that Bec’s invitation is a sign that she’s accepting of them.

The meeting begins with Mike/Michelle asking everyone to go around and say their name and share something about their week if they feel comfortable. Riley doesn’t speak during the meeting, feeling like an intruder in a room of strangers sharing intimate details about their lives. Still, Riley begins feeling “more normal” (154) in a room with people who have had similar experiences, and by the end, Riley “already know[s] [they] want to come back” (157) next week. On the drive home, Bec worries that she surprised Riley too much, but they reassure her that isn’t the case. Riley asks how she discovered the Q, but Bec says the answer to Riley’s question isn’t “second-date material” (158), confirming that it was indeed a date. She also talks a little about her sister, and Bec and Riley make plans to attend the meeting next week.

When Riley gets home, they check their blog, which now has over 10,000 followers. Their inbox is flooded with messages regarding a news article about the trans girl who reached out to Riley, whose name is revealed to be Andie Gingham. The news article states that upon returning home, Andie was severely beaten by her intoxicated father, who has been arrested. Andie thanks Riley’s blog, which is linked in the article, for stopping her from committing suicide. The attention Riley’s blog has received as a result of the article is “split […] evenly between support and criticism” (166), with some users praising Riley for their response, and others blaming them for what happened to Andie. On top of a mixture of guilt and anger over what has happened, Riley also feels ashamed for not coming out themself. The last message in their inbox is another threat from the anonymous sender.

Shaken by the news of what happened to Andie, the attention their blog has been getting, and the threatening messages from the anonymous sender, Riley becomes distant at school and avoids checking their blog entirely. Though Jim Vickers seems the most likely culprit, Riley considers the “devastating and far-fetched” (170) possibility that Bec or Solo could be behind the messages, and while they conclude that this would be out of character for them, Riley doesn’t quite put the fear of Bec or Solo’s betrayal behind them.

On Thursday, Riley tries to tell Bec about what’s been going on, but is interrupted by Solo arriving at the ramp where Riley and Bec eat lunch. Solo asks Riley why they’ve been so distant, encouraging them to open up to their friends. Bec and Solo argue. Solo assumes Bec is angry at Solo because he joined the football team, but Bec tells him it has more to do with the fact that he “abandoned your friends to join a bunch of assholes who shit on the people you used to be friends with” (175). Understanding why Bec is upset with him, Solo invites Riley and Bec to the game on Saturday. Bec agrees, but only if Solo goes to a club with them—though Solo isn’t aware that Bec means the Q.

On Friday, Riley’s mother drives them to school early, visibly nervous due to Riley’s father flying out to Washington for meetings regarding his education bill. Riley is preoccupied with thoughts of the meeting at the Q that night, worried about managing the expectations of Bec, Solo, and everyone else at the Q when it comes to how Riley presents themself. In AP English, Sierra is upset and arguing with her mother on the phone. Riley asks if she’s okay, but Sierra deflects and calls them a freak before leaving the room, scratching at her wrist.

After school, Riley logs onto their blog, which now has over 35,000 followers. They avoid their inbox and write a new post, apologizing for their silence and to Andie for inadvertently causing harm to her. Riley admits that right now, they’re still afraid to come out, but that when they do, they want to be as brave as Andie.

Riley realizes the only person they are open with is Doctor Ann and worries about how coming out would affect their life. Although Riley is still afraid of the anonymous threats, they accept that all their reasons to continue hiding are “just excuses” (185), and that the purpose of their blog has extended beyond just documenting Riley’s experience.

On Friday night, Bec, Solo, and Riley head to LA for the meeting at the Q. In addition to feeling nervous about Solo’s reaction, Riley finds themself stuck in a “relational limbo” (188), unsure of how to present themselves in the presence of both Bec and Solo. Kanada meets them at the door, charming Solo. During the meeting, Mike/Michelle references Andie, acknowledging her courage, and Riley feels drawn to Morgan, a genderqueer member of the Q that Riley feels ashamed for instinctively trying to categorize as male or female.

Riley decides to share, coming out to the group as gender fluid. Solo says he has already figured it out: He has “been doing homework on gender stuff” (196). Riley’s words resonate with the group and the members of the Q congratulate them on coming out. After the meeting, Mike/Michelle takes Riley aside. She suspects that Riley is “Alix” due to similarities in their writing and speaking. She tells Riley that their words have the ability to positively impact others, and asks them to consider speaking on a panel at the transgender health conference in two weeks. Riley agrees to think about it.

On Saturday morning, Riley’s father returns from Washington and asks them to come to the office to help pick a new walk-on song for his campaign. Riley agrees on the condition that they get breakfast from their favorite vegan restaurant, On the Vedge. Mr. Cavanaugh’s head of security, Elias, takes them there.

Riley and their father work on emails and homework for a few hours before taking a break to brainstorm new walk-on music, deciding on “Changes” by David Bowie for. Elias calls to inform Riley’s father that Superintendent Felicia Clemente has arrived for their meeting. Mr. Cavanaugh asks Riley if they want to stay, but Riley declines, telling him they have plans to attend the football game with Bec later. Riley’s father asks about Bec’s gender and starts to ask if the two are dating. Riley responds that they aren’t sure whether they’re dating or not. When Superintendent Clemente arrives, she appears confused when looking at Riley, causing Mr. Cavanaugh to become distant as he says goodbye to Riley.

Riley tries to study and forget the way their father treated them like a “politically dangerous thing” (208) when the superintendent reacted negatively. Later, Riley picks Bec up from Bullet Hole. Bec tells Riley that she’s okay with them being gender fluid, and the two head into the stadium holding hands. When Jim Vickers and his friends harass Bec and Riley, Bec pours her drink onto Jim and Sierra. Before Sierra can move toward Bec, Vickers stops her and Mr. Brennan, their government teacher, intervenes.

Bec and Riley stay for the whole game, which Park Hills High wins. In the parking lot, Vickers again confronts them, taunting that if Bec “were a dude, I’d would beat your ass” (216). He goes on to make disparaging comments about Bec’s body, getting in her face when she responds in kind. Riley tells Vickers to back off, and when he uses the word “queer” as a slur, Riley lunges at him, rebreaking his arm, before Bec pulls them back.

Shaken up by the encounter with Vickers, Bec drives Riley’s car out of the lot, asking Riley if they’d like to go see a movie. They say yes, confused when Bec drives past the movie theater. After stopping for some snacks, they arrive at a “crumbling, windowless” (221) building and climb up to the roof, where they can see a movie being projected onto a building below. Bec says she would go there with her sister Gabi. Today would have been Gabi’s 15th birthday. Bec reveals that Gabi was transgender and that she died by suicide when she was 13 years old. The aftermath of Gabi’s death led to her father leaving and her mother falling into a debilitating depression. Bec’s absences are spent taking care of her mother.

As the two settle in to watch the movie, Riley reassures Bec when Bec apologizes for ruining their date.