58 pages • 1 hour read
Slow Dance
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Symbols & Motifs
Memory
Rowell employs memory as both a thematic motif and a structural device, allowing Shiloh and Cary’s past to inform their present and future. On their senior prom night, Cary gets angry when Shiloh refuses to participate and “make memories.” The experience exposes a difference in the way Cary and Shiloh view memory. While Shiloh considers every moment of her life a memory, Cary insists that the brain only remembers certain events. He explains, “The brain makes note of novelty. Broken patterns. The more we do the same things, the more they blend together” (51). In college, Shiloh attempts to influence the making of a memory by initiating sex with Cary, hoping it will fix him in her memory. Instead, she’s left with the memory of their conflict, which results in the dissolution of their relationship for over a decade. As an adult, Shiloh feels haunted by her memories, especially of her high school years and her intense, formative relationship with Cary. For Shiloh, the past is where she felt deeply connected to Cary, which connected her to a sense of identity and belonging that she struggles to find in the present prior to their reconnection.
Rowell uses the dual timeline of the narrative to progressively reveal the ways Shiloh and Cary’s past informs their present. Shiloh’s memories, laden with unresolved emotions and unfulfilled desires, create a sense of longing and melancholy. Instead of everything running together as Cary suggested, Shiloh’s memories become sharper and more painful as she ages. For Shiloh, nostalgia is often viscerally painful, reminding her of what she’s lost and mistakes she’s made even as Cary wonders, “Is the nostalgia suffocating?” (275). The dual timeline allows Rowell to create a nuanced perspective on The Enduring Power of First Love, revealing the moments, big and small, that bring Shiloh and Cary to a place where they’re finally able to act on and embrace their feelings for each other.
Evoking individual memories from Shiloh and Cary’s past helps Rowell paint a detailed picture of them as characters, but while their memories of the past reflect who they were, they don’t always help them understand who they are now. Shiloh’s struggle to reconcile her memories with her present reality reflects a common human experience. As the narrative suggests, memories can be a tool for self-exploration and self-definition, but they have limitations and can be distorted. Shiloh's memories are often influenced by her emotions, desires, and regrets, making them unreliable or inaccurately portraying the past. Her memories of her relationship with Cary are filled with nostalgia and regret. This conflict between memory and reality strains their relationship as they consider whether they can move forward with so much history behind them. Confronting their memories forces Shiloh and Cary to face their choices, paving the way for healing and reconciliation. At their wedding reception, Shiloh says, “[…] I want to make you so happy that all your happy memories run together”—a call back to their prom argument over memory (388). Shiloh desires to create overwhelmingly happy new memories with Cary to overshadow any negative emotions tied to their past, acknowledging the influence of memory on their relationship and reflecting their efforts to move through the emotional baggage that colors those memories to create a future together.
Dancing
Rowell structures the novel around three dancing scenes, to explore the intimate and challenging dynamics of relationships over time. When two people slow dance, they move in sync, relying on a shared rhythm and mutual understanding. In the story, dancing symbolizes the emotional closeness the characters seek. As Rowell observes, “You couldn’t slow-dance by yourself; even Shiloh knew that” (41). Shiloh doesn’t want to dance at the prom because she finds the act too intimate. Moreover, she hates the performative nature of dancing as a high school ritual. She’s not comfortable enough in her body or emotions for the physical proximity required for slow dancing.
Shiloh’s decision to dance with Cary at Mikey’s wedding, establishes a boundary of difference and growth between her teen self and her adult self. Shiloh is more comfortable in her body as an adult and, more comfortable with the intimacy of being in Cary’s arms. Cary tells her that “dancing is better [than talking] because you can talk when you’re dancing, but you don’t have to. And nobody else can interrupt” (61). Throughout the novel, dancing symbolizes the emotional complexity of their relationship. Just as dancing requires coordination and balance, building relationships requires effort, communication, and understanding. As Shiloh and Cary struggle to "dance" through their emotions and past mistakes, they trip and step on one another’s feet, especially when old wounds and unresolved feelings resurface. They "dance around" complex topics and emotions to avoid confrontation instead of moving carefully around sensitive issues.
The novel ends with Cary and Shiloh dancing into their future, and their wedding dance symbolizes their personal transformations over the course of the narrative. They dance as husband, wife, and family, sharing the dance floor with Gus, Junie, Lois, and Gloria. Just as dancers learn to move together, Cary and Shiloh learn to navigate their relationship, finding new rhythms and steps as they grow. Rowell’s story suggests their dancing will never be perfect, and they might sometimes fall out of sync, but the joy, freedom, and expansiveness they experience during their wedding dance signals that they have found New Beginnings in Familiar Places.
Military Service
For Cary, the Navy represents a sense of duty and responsibility that he feels compelled to uphold. His connection to the Navy is not just a career choice but a defining aspect of his identity, symbolizing the weight of his obligations to his country and himself. Rowell’s narrative creates a tension between Cary’s commitment to the Navy and his desire to care for Lois and build a life with Shiloh. The discipline and structure of military life contrast sharply with the emotional chaos that often accompanies his trips home to Omaha, highlighting the conflict between his duty and desire. Cary’s job gives him a sense of purpose and belonging but also creates internal conflict. The strict codes of conduct and the expectations placed on him as a naval officer clash with his emotional needs. This duality in Cary’s character as a disciplined sailor and a man in love highlights the challenges of balancing professional and personal life, underscoring the novel’s thematic interest in The Complications of Adult Relationships. The Navy symbolizes the internal tension that arises when one’s sense of duty conflicts with one’s emotional needs.
The physical and emotional distance created by Cary’s Navy service strains his relationships and creates a barrier between him and those he loves. The Navy becomes a metaphor for the emotional distance that can develop in relationships when life pulls people in different directions. Shiloh struggles with the impact of Cary's absences, which initially make her feel abandoned as a young person. As an adult, she worries that “[…] Cary [is] very definitely still in the Navy. Contractually obligated to walk away from her” (145). After Shiloh spends time learning about Cary’s job and they make a more earnest effort to stay connected through calls and email, she understands that while the distance tests the relationship, they can learn to make it work. She becomes more willing to make an effort once she respects and understands Cary’s commitment to his Naval service.
Military duty often requires individuals to make significant personal sacrifices, as evidenced by Cary’s experiences. His commitment to the Navy means sacrificing autonomy, missing out on important life events, and enduring the emotional toll of long separations. He says, “Nothing in the Navy is about me […] I’m just a component in a larger machine” (54). Cary’s life exemplifies the complexities of duty, identity, and sacrifice, offering a nuanced portrayal of the challenges faced by those who serve and those who love them.
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By Rainbow Rowell
