How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

“The best possible way to prepare for tomorrow is to concentrate with all your intelligence, all your enthusiasm, on doing today’s work superbly.”

Here, Carnegie introduces a key concept of his methodology: day-tight compartments (See: Index of Terms). The author recommends approaching each day as a fresh opportunity. Worrying about the past or the future is a waste of energy.

“When we have accepted the worst, we have nothing more to lose. And that automatically means—we have everything to gain!”

Acceptance is another technique the author encourages readers to develop. Carnegie clarifies that acceptance is not the same as defeatism or resignation. Once an individual has “accepted the worst,” they can stop worrying and focus on improving their situation.

“Worry is like the constant drip, drip, drip of water; and the constant drip, drip, drip of worry often drives men to insanity and suicide.”

Carnegie conveys the detrimental effects of worry by comparing it to a constantly dripping faucet. Its psychological impact is cumulative, building over time. The author warns that if excessive worrying is not addressed and managed, it can lead to serious mental health problems.

“If you and I are worried, let’s remember that we can use good old-fashioned work as medicine.”

Throughout his book, the author promotes keeping busy as a method of combating anxiety and remaining in the present. Here, Carnegie uses a common device of the self-help genre by addressing the reader directly. The pronouns “you,” “I,” and “we” create a sense of inclusiveness, emphasizing that conquering worry is a common goal.

“Aren’t we all like that battling giant of the forest? Don’t we manage somehow to survive the rare storms and avalanches and lightning blasts of life, only to let our hearts be eaten out by little beetles of worry—little beetles that could be crushed between a finger and a thumb?”

Here, Carnegie refers to a giant tree in Colorado that survived 400 years of extreme weather conditions only to be destroyed by a colony of beetles. The author uses this metaphor to point out how individuals are often able to endure major crises but allow minor worries to consume them. Gaining perspective on worries is a crucial feature of the book’s methodology.

“You and I will last longer, and enjoy smoother riding, if we learn to absorb the shocks and jolts along the rocky road of life.”

Expanding on his exploration of acceptance, the author introduces the key idea of cooperating with the inevitable. Utilizing the extended metaphor of car tires, he advises readers to absorb the shock of challenging situations. Carnegie suggests that resisting unwelcome events leads to damaging internal conflict.

“Some readers are going to snort at the idea of making so much over a hackneyed proverb like ‘Don’t cry over spilt milk.’ I know it is trite, commonplace, and a platitude. I know you have heard it a thousand times. But I also know that these hackneyed proverbs contain the very essence of the distilled wisdom of ages.”

Carnegie uses the image of a smashed bottle of milk to illustrate the futility of worrying about past events that cannot be changed. While the phrase “Don’t cry over spilt milk” has become a cliché, this is no reason to dismiss its essential truth. The author points out that many ancient proverbs provide still-sound advice.

“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.”

While promoting a positive outlook, Carnegie highlights the destructive nature of negative emotions like hatred. He argues that individuals who harbor anger and resentment ultimately cause the most damage to themselves, as these emotions disrupt both mental and physical equilibrium.

“Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it. Let’s remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day—and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?”

The author suggests that the ingratitude of others is a frequent source of worry and disappointment. He asserts that, instead of expecting gratitude, readers should seek happiness in giving generously without requiring external validation. Carnegie cites the example of Jesus, a key figure in the book.

“About ninety per cent of the things in our lives are right and about ten per cent are wrong. If we want to be happy, all we have to do is concentrate on the ninety per cent that are right and ignore the ten per cent that are wrong.”

A recurring theme of the book is Cultivating a Positive Mindset. Carnegie suggests that feeling gratitude is an integral feature of happiness. He advises readers to resist the common tendency to focus on the small percentage of things they lack and focus on their many blessings.

“Would you sell both your eyes for a billion dollars? You need no new skills to increase your productivity and reduce your stress—What would you take for your two legs? Your hands? Your hearing? Your children? Your family? Add up your assets, and you will find that you won’t sell what you have for all the gold ever amassed by the Rockefellers, the Fords and the Morgans combined.”

Carnegie encourages readers to count their blessings. Throughout the book, he facilitates this process by recounting stories of people with disabilities who remained cheerful and grateful—an ableist usage of a marginalized group that was typical of his time. Here, he reminds readers of the value of assets such as their sight, hearing, and family: privileges we often take for granted.

“You are something new in this world. Be glad of it. Make the most of what nature gave you.”

The author identifies a preoccupation with the opinion of others as a common cause of worry. However, he argues that trying too hard to fit in or follow the crowd leads to unhappiness. Carnegie advises readers to seek fulfillment by embracing their individuality and developing personal integrity.

“Whenever did we get the idea that secure and pleasant living, the absence of difficulty, and the comfort of ease, ever of themselves made people either good or happy?”

Carnegie draws attention to the common misconception that a life free of difficulties equates to happiness. He argues that positive individuals view adversity as a spur to success rather than an obstacle. He describes this attitude as making lemonade from a lemon.

“Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Every day do a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone’s face.”

The author promotes focusing on others as a behavior that leads to reciprocal happiness. He suggests that being kind to others distracts from the self-absorption that often accompanies worrying.

“Jesus declared that there were only two important things about religion: loving God with all our heart, and our neighbor as ourselves. Any man who does that is religious, regardless of whether he knows it.”

Throughout the book, Carnegie presents religious faith, particularly Christianity, as an antidote to worry. He asserts that the comfort derived from belief in a higher guiding force relieves anxiety. The author suggests that even readers who do not consider themselves to be religious can benefit from faith and prayer.

“Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.”

The author devotes a section of his book to criticism, arguing that, for many, fear of being criticized is a cause of worry. Here, he addresses the subject of unjust criticism and how best to handle it. Carnegie asserts that being unfairly criticized by others is inevitable, so readers should develop immunity to it. He compares this response to putting up an umbrella in the rain.

“I used to blame my troubles on other people; but as I have grown older—and wiser, I hope—I have realized that I myself, in the last analysis, am to blame for almost all my misfortunes.”

While Carnegie recommends disregarding constructive criticism, he points out that everyone is fallible. The ability to be self-critical is a character strength shared by many successful and respected people.

“Let’s keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can’t hope to be perfect, let’s do what E. H. Little did: let’s ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.”

Carnegie emphasizes the importance of self-knowledge as he describes keeping folders titled “Fool Things I Have Done” (238). Urging readers to follow his example, he encourages assessing mistakes in a similarly light-hearted yet productive way. He also recommends viewing constructive criticism as an opportunity for growth.

“So, to prevent fatigue and worry, the first rule is: Rest often. Rest before you get tired.”

Part 7 of the book focuses on the correlation between fatigue and worry. Carnegie asserts that fatigue exacerbates feelings of anxiety by lowering mood and adversely affecting our coping mechanisms. In his advice on combating fatigue, the author advises regular rest as a preventative measure.

“Unless your entire body is as limp and relaxed as an old rag doll, you are at this very moment producing nervous tensions and muscular tensions.”

Throughout his book, Carnegie promotes emotional efficiency, emphasizing that worry is a waste of mental energy. The author takes a similar approach to conserving physical energy, arguing that unless the body is completely relaxed, we are exerting ourselves unnecessarily. Carnegie recommends undertaking his relaxation methods both at home and at work.

“Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage—not the insomnia.”

Carnegie’s book highlights that insomnia is a vicious cycle. Sleeplessness is often caused by worry and leads to further anxiety about insomnia’s effects. The author reassures readers that insomnia is not seriously detrimental to health, providing examples of successful people who survived on very little sleep. He claims that fixating on sleeplessness is more harmful than insomnia itself.

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Ask yourself: How do I KNOW this thing I am worrying about will really come to pass?”

The author points out that many worries are irrational or groundless. Consequently, he recommends calmly analyzing worries to assess the likelihood of them occurring. Carnegie calls this method the “law of averages.”

“Time solves a lot of things. Time may also solve what you are worrying about today.”

Here, the author comments on Louis T. Montant Jr.’s account. Montant’s method of writing worries down and putting them away for a while demonstrated that most problems are transient. Carnegie underlines that, as time solves many issues without action on our part, worrying is a waste of energy.