A Scatter Of Light

Aria returns to Joan’s house and learns that Joan is working on a new piece. She keeps it covered in front of Aria because she doesn’t like showing unfinished work. Joan asks for Aria’s help in organizing Russ’s research notes to use them for “something new,” a medium she hasn’t worked with before.

Joan addresses Aria’s resentment toward her changed summer plans and thanks her for the company. Aria feels guilty and apologizes for being “a jerk” (42). She then brings up the concerns Steph expressed. Joan reassures her that she doesn’t need to worry about her health.

Among Russ’s old teaching materials, Aria finds videotapes of lectures that her grandfather recorded. She takes these out to Joan’s abandoned art studio, which she cleans up. She sorts through files while watching her grandfather’s astronomy lectures, which offer her a glimpse of what he was like as a professor.

Content Warning: This chapter refers to a “Dyke March,” which is a term claimed by the queer community and not used derogatorily.

While Steph and her friends run late on Wednesday, Aria spends the time doubting her outfit choices. When Steph arrives, Aria notices that “she [looks] so much like a boy—a cute boy” (48).

On the way to Fairfax, Mel receives a text message from a friend letting the group know she’s going to a street party to celebrate the overturning of Proposition 8 and explains to Aria that this means gay marriage is legal in California now. At the cafe, while Steph and Lisa order drinks for the group, Mel shares with Aria that Steph used to be in a band with Roxy, Mel’s ex-girlfriend. Aria is impressed by the high quality of open mic performances and thinks about her mother’s stage presence.

During Steph’s first song, Aria is embarrassed to feel a sense of longing (54) for her. After the show, a woman from the audience approaches Steph to compliment her set and invites her to discuss her music. Steph declines the offer, letting her know she’s leaving for dinner with her girlfriend. Aria sees that this interaction frustrates Lisa.

At the restaurant, Steph and Aria have a chance to talk while Mel and Lisa order drinks at the bar. Steph comments about her songwriting process and points out that her song didn’t reveal any gender in the lyrics so that they can be experienced universally. Aria asks about Steph leaving the band, which is called Madchen, and Steph gives her a rehearsed answer of how it didn’t work out with her schedule. Aria tells Steph that she should make music her priority, but this makes the conversation tense.

To change the subject, Aria asks how Steph met Lisa. They met during Steph’s senior year of high school, and the longevity of their relationships disappoints Aria. When Mel and Lisa return to the table, they discuss their plans to attend Dyke March on Saturday, and Mel invites Aria to join them. Aria makes eye contact with Steph while they eat their burgers, and notices that she has hazel eyes.

On Saturday, Aria arrives at Mel’s house and is self-conscious about her appearance. While the group gets ready to head out, Aria jokes: “I hope I don’t embarrass you with my straight ignorance” (69). Mel reassures her and shares a knowing look with Steph.

In the Mission District of San Francisco, Aria notices a poster on the side of a building advertising a documentary about Bernice Bing, a “visionary” Chinese American lesbian artist. Steph and Aria talk about the painting behind Bernice in the photograph and how the painting makes them feel.

When the group arrives at Dolores Park, Aria is overwhelmed at the diversity of the crowd, and after noticing everyone’s outfits, she decides that her clothes make her look “exceptionally straight.” The friends meet up with the members of Madchen: Roxy, Talia, Jasmine, and Gabe. Roxy tells Steph that the band misses her and invites her to join them for the queer music festival in August. Privately, Aria encourages Steph to do it.

During the march, Aria realizes that despite her self-consciousness, no one in the parade notices her. She feels like “a shell buoyed by a wave in an ocean [she’d] never known to exist” (76). At the end of the day, Aria feels very content. Back at Mel’s house, she expresses her gratitude for being invited, and Mel says that Aria is invited to their whole summer. They flirt for a moment, and Mel explains that she and Roxy are polyamorous. Aria is tempted to experience physical intimacy with Mel but isn’t attracted to her and excuses herself. Before she leaves, Mel encourages Aria to call her if she ever wants to talk, which Aria interprets as talking about “gay stuff.”

Aria wakes the next morning and reminisces about the march with her new friends. She researches Bernice Bing and asks Joan about her during breakfast. Joan teaches Aria about Abstract Expressionism and how that was a prevalent style in the 1950s and ’60s, but male artists were always more recognized. When Aria shares that she wanted to learn more about Bing after seeing the poster, Joan encourages her to keep searching.

Retreating to Joan’s studio to put her telescope together, Aria realizes that she’s missing a piece, without which the telescope can’t function. She receives an unexpected call from her mom, who wants to meet her for lunch during her layover in San Francisco this month. Alexis expresses regret for not being more involved in Aria’s life, but the conversation sours when she starts blaming Aria for the photos again. Despite the “melodramatic” conversation, Aria still hopes that her mom will take a more active role in her life.

On Monday, Joan takes Aria to a meditation night at a local Buddhist retreat center. After the 30-minute meditation, the instructor discusses Stonehenge and the solstices and connects both to the larger lesson of impermanence. While the attendees socialize over tea, several friends ask Joan about an upcoming art show. Aria “[realizes], with a little shock of dismay, that even though [she] knew Joan was an artist, [she] had ceased to think of her as being one” (89). Aria reflects on the profound impact her grandfather’s death must have had on Joan’s sense of self.

Aria notices Prop 8 signs and Pride flags around Joan’s neighborhood. Back at the studio, Aria looks closely at the photo of her young parents. She finds their visible love unsettling and wonders, “What kind of person would I be if I had grown up in that world?” (92).

She begins to read Adrienne Rich poems to distract herself, while also visualizing the Bernice Bing painting from the poster she saw in the city, and she dozes off. A call from Tasha wakes her. Aria has been ignoring Tasha’s text messages and makes up an excuse about having bad phone reception at Joan’s.

Tasha gushes about her internship in Thailand, which makes Aria feel detached and uneasy. Tasha apologizes again for their Vineyard plan not working out. They both acknowledge that they don’t want Jacob to ruin their friendship, which helps break the tension, but Aria nevertheless avoids telling Tasha about her new friendships with Mel and Steph.

Tasha mentions running into Nathan, a boy Aria hooked up with one summer, and thinks he’s “pining” after Aria. Aria feels uncomfortable, despite knowing she “was supposed to be flattered” (95). Tasha and Aria end the call agreeing to keep in touch.

Aria and Joan go to the local Fourth of July parade in Woodacre. Tasha and Aria exchange photos of their respective parades: The one on Martha’s Vineyard is very traditional and colonial, in stark contrast to the one in Woodacre with Pride flags and papier-mâché unicorns. After the parade, Joan and Aria go to a barbeque at Joan’s friend Tony’s house. Throughout the night, Aria notices them paying special attention to each other.

On the walk back home, Joan asks Aria to give a check to Steph tomorrow when she comes over for gardening. She also mentions that she wants to have Steph over for lunch sometime and reminds Aria that she can talk to her about anything.

Aria receives a video from Tasha in which everyone at a Martha’s Vineyard beach bonfire greets Aria. She recognizes Nathan, who has his arm around Haley in a separate photo.

Aria flashes back to the summer she met Nathan, after the first year of high school. She remembers shopping for swimsuits with Tasha and Haley; they admired each other’s bodies and assured each other that they didn’t look “slutty.”

She met Nathan on the beach, and he invited her to a bonfire. She remembers getting ready and feeling confident but also remembers feeling like she “didn’t quite belong there with all those pretty, rich kids” (103). Nathan and Aria eventually went on a walk on the beach alone and shared their first kiss. Aria didn’t mind being physically intimate with him but recognized that she was “physically present but mentally detached” (105) from those experiences.

She lied to Nathan about wanting to stay in touch, and their communications eventually stopped. After this experience, Aria decided not to date anyone at school to avoid being the subject of rumors, but “[she] broke [her] own rule too soon” (106).