A Dream Called Home

Identity remains a central issue in Chapters 29-33. Reyna learns to embrace both parts of her identity, which she channels into her writing. In Chapter 31, for example, she describes reaching an impasse in her novel, which she surmounts by emphasizing her protagonist’s dual identity. The idea to highlight this aspect of her character comes from Rosa, an undocumented Mexican immigrant and the mother of one of Reyna’s former students. Rosa works under a borrowed Social Security number. Thus, her coworkers know her as Gladys. Every time Rosa goes to work, she has to become someone else, a situation she finds confusing: “‘It does something to you, Reyna,’ she said. ‘It messes with your head. You ask yourself, which is the real you? Or are there two sides to you, the one they see and the one they don’t?’” (241).

Reyna compares Rosa’s predicament to the moon, noting that “it has two sides, but we only see one” (241). This metaphor serves as the basis for Reyna’s understanding of the immigrant experience: “The duality, the light and dark, the two faces of the moon. I thought about how, upon our border crossing, we take on new identities in subtle ways, and other times in drastic ways” (241). Reyna dropped part of her surname after immigrating to the US, becoming Reyna Grande, rather than Reyna Grande Rodríguez. Similarly, her sister went from being called Magloria to Maggie. Indeed, countless immigrants change their names upon arriving in the US, including Reyna’s favorite author, Kahlil Gibran, née Gibran Khalil Gibran, and Cory’s grandfather, who changed his surname from Rajala to Rayala to make it easier for Americans to pronounce. In Chapter 12, Reyna describes herself as “twice the girl she used to be” (96). She elaborates on this idea in Chapter 31, describing the duality at the heart of the immigrant experience:

Being split in half had forced me to create two versions of myself. I went home thinking about the duality of being an immigrant, our split identities, the cleaving of our hearts and bodies–half of our heart remained in our homeland, the other was here with us. One foot remained rooted in our native soil while with our other foot we dug into American soil to anchor ourselves and weather the storm. As with the moon, there is the face that we immigrants show to the world, but our second face is the one we keep hidden in darkness so that no one can see us weeping (241).

Immigration is a foundational part of US history. The issue bears on both people of color and white people, like Cory. Reyna points out, “This man, whose great-grandfathers had immigrated from Finland and Scotland, and who was physically the whitest person I had ever met, seemed to understand what my writing was all about” (250). Reyna and Cory bond over their different but shared history with immigration.

Tenacity remains one of Reyna’s most notable character traits as she enters her late twenties. She learns that her drive to finish her novel is what struck María most after their first encounter: “She marveled at the resilience of a disadvantaged young girl from Iguala, Guerrero […] Learning my story taught her to appreciate the advantages she had grown up with” (235). Reyna is well-aware of this aspect of her personality, as evidenced by the preparations for Abuelita Chinta’s funeral in Chapter 29. Reyna and Mago clean and dress their grandmother before placing her hands together to clasp a rosary. Mago observes that Reyna has their grandmother’s hands, prompting Reyna to contemplate what other traits the women in the family share: “What else had we inherited from this woman? Her tenacity for life? Her ability to survive in a harsh environment? Her capacity to reinvent herself and go from being bitter and cruel to loving and gentle?” (226). Reyna’s determination also impacts her personal life. For example, she expresses hope that she and Cory will become a couple, despite the fact that he has a long-term girlfriend.

Reyna and her family sacrificed a lot for a chance at a better life. Immigrating destroyed the family, resulting in divorce, physical and emotional abuse, and lasting trauma. Despite the suffering, Reyna recognizes how lucky she is, especially compared to family members who remained in Mexico. She is unsure how to answer when her cousin, Diana, asks if she lives in Disneyland: “I was reminded once again of the privilege of living in the U.S. […] It was a place of opportunity, abundance, possibility, and dreams” (228).

Living in the US cost Reyna her family. She paid a high price as a child, yet she continues sacrifice to reach her goals. In Chapter 30, for instance, she describes attending meetings and Q&As as an Emerging Voices fellow, events that take time away from her son. She breaks down after Nathan reaches for the babysitter one night, worried about sacrificing his love for her career: “I cried along with him. Was my son’s love the price I would have to pay for my dream? […] I’m doing this for both of us, I reminded myself” (236-37). Mago questions Reyna’s decision to prioritize her career over her child, but Reyna remains steadfast. She is vindicated in Chapter 32, when she earns her teacher credentials and transfers to an adult school. Enrolling in the accelerated program ate into Reyna’s schedule, but in the end, it allowed her to work part-time, leaving more time for Nathan and her writing.